“My partner is too defensive” is a common complaint I hear as a couples therapist. We are all wired to protect ourselves — so most of us get defensive at least sometimes. Here are 12 truths about defensiveness that can help us better understand this impulse.
Myth: “Having had a happy childhood is a prerequisite to having a great relationship as an adult.” If this myth were true, most of us would be doomed to relationship hell.
The root of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, sometimes called mindfulness, which takes us deep beneath the surface of our identities as “doers” and the roles we play.
The Essence of Being Human
I refuse to turn away from the world’s pain and do my small part to make it less, while I continue to seek and bask in the light.
The Well at the World’s End
Has it always been this way in the world? Do social media and our hyperconnected AI world make it seem worse, or is it really getting worse?
A Place for the Angel to Land
When our wills cannot cause the angel to land, clear a space and give the question enough time to guide us to the solution.
The Red Zone of Communication
In order to be able to truly listen and respond well, our body needs to be at ease and open to connection.
Does Couples Therapy Really Work?
Everyone craves connection, respect, and appreciation. When we are denied these, the disappointment leads to emotional shutdown.
Why You Keep Dating The Wrong People
It’s easy to fall in love. It’s not so easy to make love last. It takes curiosity, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to give up being right.
Change of Plans
Faced with everything I was hearing about the loss of life...should we stop living our daily lives when facing all these calamities?
Family Stories
When I think about them being the kind of story my great-grandchildren could tell about me, the most astonishing was this one.