Dear Friends,
During the COVID-19 era, the news was a common source of complaints among cohabiting individuals. One woman—who lived with her partner in a one-bedroom condo in New York City—mentioned she felt safer staying up-to-date on the news and the latest statistics, especially the scariest parts. This classic defense, known as “doomscrolling”, may make sense psychologically. However, it can add stress to an upsetting situation. As a survival mechanism, our brains prioritize negative information to create a sense of control. It can feel oddly comforting, despite the anxiety it creates. Interestingly, the woman’s partner found that watching the news caused anxiety; he preferred to read books, watch movies, or play his banjo.
Now, we are witnessing the massive, distressing changes triggered by recent political events in Washington, D.C. and across the country. We all know someone—or someone who knows someone—directly affected by recent layoffs, institution shutdowns, or fear of deportation.
Here are some thoughts about handling the uncertainties we’ve been plunged into.
- Mel Robbins’ remarkable new book, The Let Them Theory, formed on the most effective and timeless practices—such as those of Buddhism and stoicism—and even the Serenity Prayer, “to accept the things we cannot change and to change the things we can be a light in this confusing time. Families have been split apart over differing views; one member supports Trump, one is 100 percent against him. The Let Them Theory encourages us to “let them” believe what they believe as we step back from trying to convince them that they’re wrong. “Let me,” the second part, opens a whole new doorway: What can I change? One example is that a friend’s “spiritual project” (her words) was to reconcile with her estranged brother, whose political views were almost completely opposite to hers, but who also cared for their dying parents with tenderness and love. She said she mistook “freedom”—her political belief—as the opposite of his beliefs rather than the right to choose, reflecting that his rights were as valid as hers. His care for their parents formed a reason for her to allow reconnection and love, and the result was a touching reconciliation that fostered respect rather than feed estrangement.
- Beware of politically induced stress. Regardless of beliefs or affiliations, all Americans are living through a unique moment in our nation’s history. Be cautious about how you are being affected. Take note of sleep pattern changes, mood changes, increased anxiety, and/or persistent thoughts of doom. Assess whether the news is helping or harming your well-being and follow what works for you.
- Find things that feed you with possibilities. Paint, hike, take photos, learn about birds, talk to old friends, make new ones, garden, or play pickleball.
- In 2001, psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania found that people paid more attention to negative than positive information. This is called negative bias, and it has helped people survive by preparing them for the worst. These are undoubtedly difficult and frightening times, but humans have always had them. Some may feel that the news prepares them for the worst outcome and, in turn, fosters a sense of safety. We should indeed avoid “toxic positivity” and the happy clichés around real, trying events. However, we should also balance this by looking at the positives, which are equally true. These frightening political events are bringing people together, fostering deep discussions and support among them. Signs of courage are everywhere. We are living longer, better lives than past generations.
- Stay connected to your kin, real or chosen. Find inspiring things to read. Support your individual well-being. Keep looking for the balance. Women, consider taking my 6-week class on The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins’ fabulous book, which Oprah notes as “life-altering” and “one of the best self-help books I’ve ever read” and find other books which support you looking at things in a different and more hopeful way.
Without closing your eyes to the very real and frightening events keep walking, celebrating signs of spring, appreciating your connections with 2 and 4 legged creatures and remembering that it’s a gift to be alive, even in the hardest moments.
Warmest wishes to everyone,
